Sharp pains right below was ongoing the whole day yesterday. It was unbearable. Wes rushed home in the afternoon to take me to a doctor. I explained to the doctor what I was going through and he said,”It’s a sign of miscarriage. You can take ponstan to ease the pain. I will write you a referral so you can make an appointment on Friday to do an ultrasound to find out whether the process is complete or incomplete. If the process is not complete a minor surgery will perform in the hospital to clean out the embryo so there won’t be any infection inside your uterus. By nature, it will clean itself up just like your monthly period. Your body is at your weakest this point so the most important is to get more rest and make some double boiled soup when the bleeding is over. You are both still young, there’s plenty of time to try again.”
I guess a part of me knew what was happening and the explanation from the doctor made it clear for me. I pity my husband.. he was so happy he couldn’t keep the good news to himself and had to share it with everyone he knew that he was going to be a father. Now he is in denial.
In the middle of last night, I was woken up by a dream so I got out of bed and went to pee. After I flushed the toilet I realized something was gonna fall out and I couldn’t run. So I held my new sanitary pad under and it fell onto it. To my shock, it was the embryo..my baby. It had a little tail, covered in half blood, some veins and looked pale. I finally knew how it looked like. I’m still bleeding excessively today. It should be over soon.
I am healing physically and mentally. Emotionally I am a wreck. I tried to tell myself that this baby was too soon anyway. It’s not what we planned. It just took one week to be in heaven and suddenly I am falling from grace.
Filed under: marriage chapters
I am so sorry and very sad for you when I have learned of your loss and realize this must be very painful for you. Is there anything I can do to help? Would you like to talk? I might be miles away but if you do, you can always drop me a message in Facebook.
I’m sure it happened for a reason. The time isn’t right for me or Wes to be parents just yet. As what the doctor said,”its not a healthy embryo so our antibody automatically declined it.”
Yes I am not okay, but I’m getting there. I’ve been very upset with Wes cause I didn’t want to throw the embryo. The whole thing dropped in the middle of the night and I placed it on some tissue and left it on top of the vanity basin. Wes flushed it in the morning when i was sleeping!! I wanted to put it in a small jar and take pictures of it. I thought I could look at it longer before I let it go but my husband flushed it!!!!!! He made me cry like rain.
Sherine,
I honestly thought that I wouldn’t care as much cause I had thoughts of not wanting this baby. There has been so many things (one of it is conflict with my younger bro-in-law) going on in my life and a baby on the way would have just made things harder.
My family in KL were all jumping joy and now they just don’t know what to say. I’ve been so depressed all I can do is cry. One thing I’m glad is that it left at 6wks. Imagine if the embryo turned into a foetus and my love for it grew more and more each day after I’ve gotten to see it’s heartbeat for the very first time. Suddenly, it just stopped beating. I would be devastated. I could die.
Eva,
No one is in ultimate control of the course of pregnancy or anything else in life, and sometimes bad things can happen to us even if we do everything “right.” Give yourself time to grief and don’t rush things. Cry out loud if you want to. Tears are a tribute to the loss child and a healthy release. I know your intention of creating memories by keeping the embryo, your baby was and will always be a part of you. But please don’t be angry with Wes. He just don’t want you to think about it anymore and hope that you move on.
For now, I can just hope that you will heal over time. Should you need anybody, remember that I’m always here for you. Love ya sister…
Hope this prayer will soothe you and make you feel better…
O God of love, source of life,
hear my prayer for Eva.
Her baby died before it ever came to birth.
The blessing of your love
was torn from her body,
leaving her empty and devastated.
Comfort her now in her sorrow.
Restore her hope for a child to come.
Give her courage and new delight
in the days ahead.
In good time, grant her a new life
that her soul may rejoice
and her body give birth;
in Christ’s name I pray. Amen.
TENDERLY – MAY TIME HEAL YOUR SORROW
GENTLY – MAY LOVE EASE YOUR PAIN
SOFTLY – MAY PEACE REPLACE HEARTACHE
YOU ARE DEEPLY CARED ABOUT….LOVE YOU..M
dearie, i am sorry to hear what has happened to you these couple of weeks. I should have logged in earlier to hear how you are doing. Now a pang of guiltiness evelopes me to know that i wasn’t there for you when you were at your highest and lowest moments.
I guess God has other plans for you and Wes. Maybe this time around it did not work out however, this (I believe) had prepared you from now and the future when you and Wes are ready to be momma and papa =)
Don’t ever let unhappy things get in your way. Conflicts and misunderstandings often happen in life and we must learn and know how to overcome it. Some people might annoyed you but at the end of the day, you know they mean no harm.
Be strong for yourself. Be strong for Wes. Be strong for both of you.
“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.”
Love ya (hugz)
Hi Jie,
I am alrite.. but my mom has warned me not to have anything cold for 2 months.
I’m currently applying for jobs. Hopefully someone would call me for an interview soon. =)
hi dearie,
glad to know you are alright. Your mom s right. Now the most important thing is to recuperate and make yourself well again first.
have you thought of opening your own business? You have been a very creative person as far as i am concern, so any thoughts to own a gift shop, florist, cards shop, mini boutique etc..something that can bring out the creativity juice in you?
well i have full intentions of opening my own restaurant. Wes obviously is gonna the head chef. I’ll be managing the floor and menu specials. we’ve even named the place. just a matter of time before we do get on business. =)