I’ve been so pathetic about the miscarriage that I was finding reasons and faults on how it happened. Now flashbacks. I ate pineapples for 2 nights straight. Could I blame my indulgence on this acidic fruit that killed the embryo?

Well, if you must know my depression only lasted for 3 days. During this so-like-ala-ala-dying-days all I did was cry. When the fourth day arrived, I realized that I was bubbly again. I came out with new ideas on how to flourish the backyard so Wes and I went to nurseries. I bought myself a lemon tree and a tahitian lime tree. The following day we got more trees such as mandarin and kamquats. You can say that I buried my sorrow beneath the trunks alongside with the sheep poo mixture that fertilizes the soil. I also managed to google a few more nurseries that sells more citrus trees and a large range of japanese cherry blossoms. I think it’s gonna look pretty good in our backyard when it’s all done.

Since one of our living area is still empty, we’ve placed an order for custom-made ottomans and a large shaggy 3mx3m rug to fill in the area. It should be ready by the 3rd week of July. I’m excited.

Sharp pains right below was ongoing the whole day yesterday. It was unbearable. Wes rushed home in the afternoon to take me to a doctor. I explained to the doctor what I was going through and he said,”It’s a sign of miscarriage. You can take ponstan to ease the pain. I will write you a referral so you can make an appointment on Friday to do an ultrasound to find out whether the process is complete or incomplete. If the process is not complete a minor surgery will perform in the hospital to clean out the embryo so there won’t be any infection inside your uterus. By nature, it will clean itself up just like your monthly period. Your body is at your weakest this point so the most important is to get more rest and make some double boiled soup when the bleeding is over. You are both still young, there’s plenty of time to try again.”

I guess a part of me knew what was happening and the explanation from the doctor made it clear for me. I pity my husband.. he was so happy he couldn’t keep the good news to himself and had to share it with everyone he knew that he was going to be a father. Now he is in denial.

In the middle of last night, I was woken up by a dream so I got out of bed and went to pee. After I flushed the toilet I realized something was gonna fall out and I couldn’t run. So I held my new sanitary pad under and it fell onto it. To my shock, it was the embryo..my baby. It had a little tail, covered in half blood, some veins and looked pale. I finally knew how it looked like. I’m still bleeding excessively today. It should be over soon.

I am healing physically and mentally. Emotionally I am a wreck. I tried to tell myself that this baby was too soon anyway. It’s not what we planned. It just took one week to be in heaven and suddenly I am falling from grace.

This past one week has been over the moon and awfully devastating. On Monday 7 days ago.. I did a pregnancy test kit and found out that I am going to be a mother. Too soon than I expected, Wes and I cried with tears of joy. We were unable to book into any hospitals unless we have a referral from our GP. So we went to our clinic doctor yesterday to reconfirm the status. Doctor said that I am now 6weeks pregnant. I told the doctor that I have been having mild spot bleeding over the weekend. He replied,”This is very common for the first 12weeks. The embryo is trying to cling onto the womb so scrapes of blood is not unusual on this moment. Your body is also trying to adjust itself for the growth of the embryo so there’s nothing to worry. If you see signs of chunky blood clots or heavy blood flows this will usually lead to a miscarriage. There is no point doing a scan now cause it’s too early. You need to wait till you are 8weeks”. That was a sign of relief and we thought the nightmare was over.

By the time I got home last evening at 5, something didn’t seem quite right. The blood flow was no longer faint or fresh blood when I wipe. I decided to wear a sanitary pad to monitor. The blood flow was pretty much the same as my first day of period. There were stringy tiny clots and the toilet bowl turned into a pool of blood. This carried on the whole night when I went to pee twice in the middle of the night. I was too exhausted to think of anything and went straight back to sleep. By the time it was 10 in the morning, I went to pee again.. this time a size of a 50cent chunk of blood clot dropped. From that moment, I can only prepare myself for the worse to happen. Bleeding hasn’t stopped yet and what I don’t understand is why the hospitals here don’t allow us to go for an ultrascan. I honestly don’t think I’m normal anymore. Something is not doing fine inside me. I need to consult a bloody doctor!!

Pork and I have not been in the same page lately. Wesley gave me a task to cook my signature pork dish that has gotten endless compliments (though most are just bullshit). It started off pretty good as I dunk in my regular ingredients and some new ones just to spice things up. After an hour of simmering.. the smell and taste was exactly how I wanted it to be. So, as usual I leave the pot by itself under low heat to tenderize the pork further. After half an hour of absence in the kitchen I realized that something didn’t smell quite right so I ran over to my pot. To my horror, It dried up..the shitake mushrooms, black fungus and lily lotus knots were all burnt. How is this possible that it got stuck to the pot when it is a non-stick pot!

This is prolly the third time I’ve murdered our dinner. Not too sure what’s wrong with me.

There goes our dinner. This might sound outrageous, but I took out all the pork washed it under boiling water to remove the bitter taste of toasted pot. Minced more garlic and changed the pork dish into Kylie Kwong’s recipe. It actually worked.

So much for having the bed all to myself. I’ve been having great dreams and untroubled ZZzzZZzzzzzz. This is our first encounter of being apart after the marriage. I’m so getting the hang of it.

Unfortunately, my hubby wanted to give me a surprise by returning a day earlier from their fishing trip. So instead of Friday they got home on Thursday. I was surprised indeed with the fugly looking tan they had from under the sun. Wesley looked like a roast chicken, my uncle looked like red curry with over cooked beef (good in a way, it covered his pigmentation) and his friend.. I didn’t notice that much cause I never paid attention to how he was before.

Wes accompanied me to take the doggies out on their daily stroll around the neighborhood park. Wes reported every scoop happening during the trip. On some occasion, it was amusing and yet awkward as hell. He was plain bitching on the odd behavior of my uncle’s friend. He didn’t talk much for days and stayed pretty much in a corner. Poor bugger who doesn’t speak english. He must have suffered for 5 days there.

On Friday, we made plans to head over to the city.. Last day for my uncle and his mate to buy things that they wanted to bring home to their family. When we got to the supermarket.. they grabbed at least 50 boxes of breakfast bars and chocolate bars. I was jaw dropping. If I can recall correctly, I’ve seen these 3 bars in a box back home in KL. So, why would they wanna buy something that they can find in KL. Even with price difference.. it wouldn’t be that much now would it?

Anyways, we had dinner in one of my selected restaurants. It’s called Royal Chinese Seafood Restaurant in Aberdeen St. It was a good meal altogether.

My uncle and his friend caught an early flight on Saturday and Wes drove them to the airport at 5.30am. I didn’t get to give my uncle a hug nor did we bid farewell. I was still in slumberland. By the time I got up.. it was already 2 in the afternoon. The house was quiet again. I’m missing my uncle already.

And for now, I have my husband all to myself after so many days without him.

I’m happy to admit that I’ve turned into a B+ class cook. Well, this doesn’t require any certs. In other words, a qualified home chef. I take over the kitchen only when I feel like it. Solely cooking, no cleaning up after. I’ve done some of the great creations of local specialties.. such as curry laksa (grade A++), claypot lou shi fun (grade A+), portuguese grilled fish (grade A), Char Siu (grade B), cakes (baking is not in my list yet), dumplings (grade A), lam yee spare ribs (grade A), milkshakes (grade A+++++ over the top) and more to come.

Too bad I can’t prove it to you guys, cause I didn’t take any pictures.. all of the dishes ended up in Wesley’s tummy even quicker than he catches his own breath. Oh, I’ve also been passing around my cooking to my neighbors. (Devastating.. I am what I call myself a desperate housewife.. soon to be).

I’ve googled heaps of Asian recipes that I am very very keen on making. I intend to experiment till it pass my own petty picky taste buds. Needless to say I am also a qualified food critic. I will not blurt that the dish is devouring unless.. I know in my heart it just keeps me wanting more.

I am glad I have things to do, not much but better than nothing.

P/s: my mom is so mean, whenever I tell her that I’ve accomplished a new dish wanting her to be proud of me.. this is what she said, “You sure anot u can cook? u can tipu aussies but u think u can tipu m’sians ah? Aiya, I think your husband didn’t want to ruin your enthusiasm that’s why he reluctantly says its tasty everytime lor.”

Darn that woman! I shall prove u wrong when u are here for your holiday!

Been up and down a roller coaster. Yet time stood still.
If none of you have known, I am still holding a Bridging Visa. It’s a cross between applying for a spouse visa during your tourist visa (not allowed to work) and getting a temporary permanent residence. My officer in the Aus immigration has been expecting my final document to submit in (it’s my police clearance) since Jan 22nd. Though my stepmom screwed up in getting my police clearance (she gave me false hopes from telling me -It will be done after cny to after F1 to after the elections till a few days ago she said,”BN lost the election, I lost my contacts and I can’t do it”).. I became speechless. Good thing is, my mom is gonna speed things up for me. She made a few phone calls and found out that she can get my paper within a day. All I need to do is to go to M’sian Embassy, meet with the high consul and get his signature. Which I did on last Tues. I also helped my father-in-law with his paperworks. I’ve already posted the documents to my mom which she should be receiving by Mon to hand over to Wisma Putra. *Eva sighed in relief*

Though we’ve moved all our things from a bachelor’s pet near the city to a slightly nicer place far up north that doesn’t have public transport convenience nor any petrol stations nearby.. I in person have not done anything differently other than my everyday routine. Sad to express this but I have been locked up in a cage (I’m implying my house) for six months now. I rely solely on my husband to take me out. That’s only on his non-working day (mon and sun). Even a short trip to the chinese shop would make me happy.

I have been doing shoppings ..No, not the malls here sucks. Most products are from china and they charge a bomb! As I was saying, I shop online. My laptop is my bestfriend. My 15″ white Toshiba feeds me with daily gossips, songs from billboard.com and things I need to furnish the house. I’ve ordered two black chandeliers from Melbourne, two rugs from Sydney, astonishing oil paintings directly from China and two ridiculously gorgeous waterfall basin taps which I bought impulsively and not knowing what to do with it. All I need for now is a water feature. Still hunting.

The house still looks kinda empty to me, except for the mess I make. We’re slowly converting the garden. We planned to remove all the horrible looking plants (currently, the front lawn looks like a padi field, weird looking grass that has a scientific name planted everywhere. it’s sharp,pokes and looks cheap. I have no idea what the man who built this house was thinking.) and turn it into a zen-like place. Over the weekend, we dug out a small area in the entrance, planted a medium sized white frangipani and a few cute looking mondo grass and placed my sitting buddha that’s approximately 76cm (height) -70cm (width) by it’s side. We also decorated white riverstones around to cover the soil. It looks like a big improvement to me. Soon, the front will look attractive when it’s all covered with white riverstones. I’m dead sure it will brighten the whole area. It’s gonna be soo chic!

I miss home. I’ve never been away this long.. it feels funny.

When you have worn a couture piece from Vera Wang with a matching pair of 4″ Chanel heels for your wedding.. you will come to realize that you only wear it once so..during the course of selection, we tend to want things as whimsical as possible. Now that it’s been a few month’s gone.. I didn’t really understand why did we spend a hefty amount on dresses with complimenting shoes? I had four gowns for my wedding, pardon me. The ivory gown with hand-made flowers all over is now vacuum-packed while my uncomfortable ala Cinderella shoes in it’s respectful cloth bag inside the black box.

We’ve done the final inspection of our new pad a couple of days ago and everything seems to be working out fine. I didn’t know till that day that we have a few olive trees, magnolia and soon to come frangipani. Today will be the main day for us to shift Kuan Yin over and to bless the house. The truck will be loading the rest of the main stuffs this weekend (the heavy ones).

I still haven’t truly decided on which lounge sofa (for the theatre room) to buy since I am in charge of it. I have been contemplating on a few. The one that I love the most happens to be in Melbourne. I don’t feel like wasting money of transporting it to Perth. *shrugs* Hence, I have to settle for second best. Hate it when I can’t get what I want some times.

On my birthday.. that’s passed.. We went to collect my munchkins (doggies). I am proud to say, I am a mother of two. Boy names Chewy and girl named Baileys. I need to get a playpen to cage them from running around the new place. My fear is clear.. I don’t wanna be stepping on pee and poo unconsciously. Although now, they are pretty much trained to do their business on newspapers.. Yet often as well they do enjoy doing it away from where it should be. I am a lil’ lazy to attach their pics, I have uploaded most of their current ones in facebook.. but I must they are as cute as hell.

Where I am now.. There weren’t any firecrackers or special tv programs viewing Hong Kong channels on this festive season. It’s pretty much the same as every other day or aka “dead”. It’s definitely not a public holiday here in Australia.

We made our own yee sang..bought a pre-packed one from chinatown..many things were missing inside the box. So, we shredded our own carrots and cucumber, added a packet of seasoned jelly fish and thick slices of salmon..muahahahahah =)

It’s my first year of giving red packets. I must say my husband was very generous. Minimum 20 dollars (that’s RM60)??? Maybe cause there are only a hand full of kids that he knows. Gee, in KL the minimum was RM2! Talk about standards..*sigh*

If I do go back to KL next year.. I did promise the kids (my young cousins) that I will be giving them aussie dollars for their ang pows. *gulp*

We’ve come to a conclusion.. We’ve decided to buy the house. I couldn’t resist. It feels homey to me. Nice master bedroom that comes with a little walk in wardrobe and a spacious ensuite bath… aside from that it also has a large open plan living area symmetrically built featuring high ceilings from the centre of the house way out to the alfresco area, home theatre lounge, chef’s kitchen and it’s an ala-ala glass house? Good thing is that this house has plenty of room for storage. =)

Aveley is a new suburb in Perth and it’s 22km from the city. Currently building it’s own parks, schools, shopping malls, facilities and bla bla bla. God knows how long it’s gonna take. Anyhow, I have reasons to believe this is a great investment.

We should be getting the keys pretty soon. We will be moving in hopefully by end of next month. What I need then is a car with GPS as my new bestfriend once I start working.

I am sublimely happy.